Its amazing to me how quickly I can lose myself.
A year ago I felt I was totally on track...I was building a successful business...I was driven and focused and could literally feel the momentum.
Cut to a year later and normally on the last day of the year I would have all my goals ready and anxiously anticipating putting them into action.
Now that isn't to say I do not have some very clear goals because I do! Like I must lose weight and take better care of my health this year and I need to reconnect with my more spiritual side...I guess what I'm really saying is I that I lack the direction or conviction that I once had.
I guess that'll happen when you've been rattled...was a year of reflection after my husband's father's death at our wedding and then my father's sudden death in the summer...you can't help but look at your life and deciding if you've chosen well or if changes need to be made. What can I say? I determined I fell off track somewhere along the line. Hard to nail down where exactly but I can honestly say now looking back - I got sucked in with my ego!
I have been living an ego-driven life these last few years. Pursuing external gratification, I certainly felt that I had something to prove...and maybe I even needed to do - but working to be popular and successful suddenly feels so empty and superficial. It's left a bad taste in my mouth. After all I'm always talking about 'being authentic' and true to myself. Think its about time I started walking the walk.
This is my declaration that I really don't know what the hell I'm going to do, but know that I must do something different. It really doesn't even matter if anyone reads this...all that matters is I declare to myself that its time to be ME. I have to accept myself as I am once and for all in order to be any good to anyone else. I have to acknowledge my gifts and purpose (when I've figured that out I'll let you know) and put them to good use. I have to spend more time being loving and accepting and available to the people that really matter to me. I am not a failure...I've just been on the wrong path.
I am ready to receive clarity and put my gifts and skills to better use to serve my family and my community.
Happy New LIFE!
Btw...if you knew you were going to die...and you knew you had a year to live...would you keep doing the same things?
If you want to be inspired watch the late Dr. Randy Pausch fighting pancreatic cancer:
I'll be honest. I've struggled this year with focusing on all of my blessings. We've had a few kicks...BUT today I want to focus on all the things I'm grateful for this year.
First and most important: My husband Tod.
He's been the best friend and support a girl could ask for. He gives regular back rubs and still opens the door for me. He tells me I'm beautiful when I feel like a fat cow. He makes me laugh on a daily basis! Don't know what I'd do without him!
My children continue to be a challenge but I realize when I take the time to focus - that they're teaching me how to be patient and look at my own shortcomings (of which there are many!) They say that what you don't like in someone else is often your own 'stuff' showing up as a reflection. I would say that's probably true. I know that no matter what, I love them with all my heart and will miss them terribly when they're not around.
My friends have become such an important part of my life. Old and new, my friends continue to encourage and support me...share laughs and good times....remind me of my good qualities (of which there are many!) Good times with my friends and knowing that when times are tough I have several people that would be there in a heart beat!
So this Christmas I have no need for presents. I am a rich woman!
Thank you all!